Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) Page 20

  “I want to show you something.” Daniel stands up, still holding my hands, and pulls me over to the table.

  “What are you messing with over…?” A flat, grey tablet rests on the rough wooden surface. “How did you get that? The guards confiscated our bags. We went back and checked; they took everything.”

  “You better sit down.” He reaches over to another chair and pulls off a sandy burlap bag to make room for me.

  “Molly’s bag.” I grab it from him, tracing a finger along the faded red stamp of a potato on the front. “Where did you get this? Daniel, what’s going on?”

  “Sit down, please.” I flop down into the seat and rest my elbows on the table. Daniel flashes me a sheepish smile. “You brought two Noteboards out of the Admin building, but I only needed one. I could have packed both of them in our escape bags, but…”

  “But what?”

  “I should have said something, but I thought I was imagining things. Seeing Eric for the way I wanted to see him. I didn’t trust him, so I came up with my own backup plan. I took Molly’s bag and buried the extra Noteboard in it out by the fence. If everything went as planned, I’d dig it up at the last minute and take it with us. If not, well, it would be there if I needed it.”

  Daniel stares at me, waiting for a response. His forehead crinkles above his nose. He’s worried I’ll be mad, but I can barely think about the Noteboard. “Was I the only one who didn’t think something was wrong with Eric?”

  Daniel looks over my shoulder to Elizabeth’s sleeping form. “Her too?”

  I nod. “I spent more time with him than anyone. Why didn’t I notice what you guys saw?”

  “It’s not your fault. You believe the best in people.” He reaches over and takes my hand in his, but I don’t hold it back.

  “You mean I’m weak. Naïve Rebecca believes every word she hears. Bought into the Cardinal’s lies hook, line, and sinker.”

  “Trusting people isn’t a weakness.” He lets go of my hand and leans back in the chair, arms crossed. “The fault is mine for not saying something while I still had the chance to make a difference.”

  “It’s not too late to make a difference.” I push the Noteboard closer to him. “What do you think?”

  “I think you’re half crazy,” He says leaning back toward the table and winking at me. “And half genius. It’s going to be a mad rush to get it done in time, but you’re right. We need to stop hiding in here. People out there need to know what’s going on.”

  “I need to know what’s going on.” I sit up straight in the chair and clasp my hands in front of me on the table. “You know how the Machine works, don’t you?”

  Daniel slumps down into the chair and nods his head. He stares at the top of the table, refusing to meet my eyes. “The Machine does exactly what the Cardinal says it does. It detects chemical signals in the brain and compares them to the general population. Complex algorithms determine if you have a propensity for crime. Anyone above a preset threshold fails. It isn’t perfect, but it works most of the time.”

  Nothing he’s said so far is that different from the basic understanding that most people back home assume. There’s got to be more to it. He looks up and there’s a hardness behind his eyes I haven’t seen since the first time he told me about the escape plan. “Every year after age sixteen at your annual physical, the reader records the same information as the Machine. A secret panel reviews the information and any changes are reported. If at any point, the data indicates the likelihood of criminal activity has exceeded the threshold, action is taken to remove the threat from society.”

  “I’ve never heard of someone older than sixteen being taken to the PIT.”

  Daniel shakes his head. This can’t be good. “Taking additional people to the PIT would be admitting the Machine isn’t perfect. The Cardinal’s entire hold on power is based on the Machine’s perfection. People who exceed the threshold after passing their Acceptance suffer from deadly accidents, or undiagnosed heart disease. They don’t come here. They die.”

  “This is why they don’t monitor the cameras in here anymore, isn’t it? The Cardinal needed the manpower to monitor the annual screenings and…and…” I can’t say it. Murder innocent citizens.

  Daniel just nods his head. I don’t have to say it.

  My hands shake. I’m afraid to ask any more questions, but I need to know the truth. “What about people like us?”

  “It’s not enough to remove criminals. The Cardinal decided about a decade ago that other, less desirable, citizens should be eliminated. Anyone who doesn’t fit into his idea of perfection. People like Elizabeth and Constance couldn’t be allowed to pollute the population with their differences. But when you change the rules, people start to notice. People who might question the rules are a danger. Not to society, but to the Cardinal, and his power. People like me. Like you.”

  Tears roll down my cheeks unrestrained. I’m not surprised by what he’s telling me, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

  “Everything we do is recorded. The books we read at the library, letters we write to family and friends, English class assignments, all of it. They watch who you’re friends with to see if you socialize within the appropriate class circle.”

  Cheryl. Sweet Cheryl who I loved like a sister was a contributing factor to my Rejection. How many other innocent actions sent me here? Our English teacher assigned an essay last year about what we wanted in an ideal spouse. I added a paragraph about my fears of not finding a husband before I turned twenty-one. There was even a line about feeling bad for the girls who were forced into a Compulsory marriage. My teacher circled that paragraph, but didn’t add any notes. I got an A and assumed he was making note of a well-written paragraph. What if he was making note of an abnormal fear that raised alarms on my file? “They knew before I ever set foot on that stage that I would be Rejected. Didn’t they?”

  Daniel nods and sinks his forehead into his hands. “It’s all part of the show. The public Rejection reminds all the good citizens how much they need the Cardinal and his perfect Machine to keep them safe.”

  The effort to stay still is too much and I stand up to walk the length of the room. My anger builds with each pounding step. “Who knows about this?”

  “All the council members. That’s how I found out. I was searching my dad’s office for a book I wanted to borrow. He had some files on his desk and curiosity got the better of me.”

  “They know and they do nothing to stop it.” My voice is sharper than I want it to be. I slow my pace and take a few deep breaths to get control of my heart rate. “Why?”

  “They shut their eyes and close their ears to the truth. Because even though they know it’s wrong, deep down, they’re glad the Cardinal is ‘cleaning up’ society. And they know that their continued power hinges on the Cardinal maintaining his.”

  I pass by Elizabeth, still asleep in her bed. I wish I could be her and undo the conversation I’ve just had. My head is about to explode and despite my empty stomach I might be sick. I stride to the other side of the room and rest my head against the cool concrete of the wall.

  “Do you hate me now?”

  Daniel’s words pull me back to the table. I grab both of his hands in mine and force him to look at me. “Why in the world would I hate you?”

  “I knew. I knew about all of this, and I was just as bad as the cabinet members.” His hands pull at my arms, urging me to understand. “I kept my mouth shut and pretended like I didn’t know. I never wanted to tell you because I’m ashamed. You have every right to hate me.”

  “No one would have believed you. Who would take the ludicrous statement of a kid who wasn’t even a full citizen yet seriously? There was nothing you could do then.”

  “I’m going to make it right.” Daniel stands up, tugging me up with him.

  “We’ll make it right, together.”

  Daniel wraps his arms around my waist and I fall into him. My arms stretch around his back and soak in his strength and warmth.
My head fits perfectly in the slight valley of his chest. I pull closer and Daniel rests his chin on top of my head. The soft thumping of his heart strips away any defense I had left guarding my own. I could stand like this with him all day.

  “If you guys are done with your love fest, do you think we can get some breakfast?” I step back out of Daniel’s embrace. Elizabeth is sitting on the side of her bunk, one eyebrow raised and a slight smirk stretched across her lips. She stands and winks once at Daniel, whose face is the same shade as the dark-rose-tinted light streaming through the window. “Of course, I can always go on ahead if you guys need a minute.”

  Daniel grabs the Noteboard and shoves it under a pillow. He heads out the door without a word, Elizabeth and I right behind him.

  ***

  The dining hall is full of people talking and laughing. The improvements have boosted everyone’s spirits. All of them sit around joking and eating their burnt oatmeal like nothing has changed. They have no idea how bad things are about to get.

  “So what do we need in order to make this happen?” I push my half-finished bowl of oats away. No matter how long we stay here, I’ll never get used to burnt oatmeal.

  “The Noteboard we’ve got, but I’ll need some cables to splice into the feed. And we’ll need a camera.” Daniel counts the items off on his fingers. “Once they set up their video site, I have to re-route the signal to a transmitter that I can turn on when we’re ready to cut into the broadcast. It’s a lot to get done in just a few days.”

  “Gosh, you make it sound so easy.” Elizabeth takes another big bite of oatmeal and glares across the table at us.

  “We could use your help.” I lean in to keep my voice from carrying to the other people at our table. “We need to find a location to use as a backdrop that doesn’t have the new and improved PIT makeover.”

  “No, I won’t have any part in this and I don’t think you should, either.”

  “How can you say that? If we don’t stop them, Daniel will be on his own.” I can’t lose him now that we have an actual chance to be together.

  “Better stuck on the other side of some stupid fence than locked away for months in Quarantine again, or worse.” She slams her bowl down and pushes it away even though it isn’t empty yet. “How many times do you think they’ll let us thumb our noses at the Cardinal before they decide to remove the problem permanently?”

  “Don’t you think Molly would—?”

  Elizabeth pounds her fist on the table and several people look over at us. “Leave Molly out of this.”

  “I just think—”

  “Then stop thinking. You can leave me out of your plans.” Elizabeth doesn’t wait for another argument. She swings her legs over the bench and races out of the dining hall.

  Daniel is as still as stone next to me. Is he going to follow her out and forget about the plan? I can’t do this without him. I wait for him to get up, but he stays on the bench, eyes staring at the door Elizabeth disappeared through.

  “Do you think we need to be worried about her giving us up?”

  Daniel shakes his head. “No, she’d never betray us like that, but she’s definitely not going to help. We should probably not talk about it around her too much.”

  “Right. Are you ready?” Daniel hasn’t eaten much more of his breakfast than I have.

  “Not really, but we don’t have the time to wait for me to get there.” He holds out his hand. “Let’s go.”

  Twenty-Four

  A huge rock in my stomach weighs down each step as we get closer to the southern edge of the PIT. If Eric told the other Cardinal guards about the old security building full of computer castoffs, our chances of finding everything we need are slim. Even before the recent cleanup, electronic equipment was a rare find in the cluttered alleys. Now, it’s a near impossibility.

  The outside of the security building looks the same as it did the last time we were here, but it’s the inside that counts. Daniel and I both pause outside the door. If the building is cleared out, it’s likely we’ll never find what we need and our plan is ruined.

  Daniel looks at me and I nod. I close my eyes when he pushes the door open so I can hold on to an extra few seconds of hope. “Sweet Cardinal.”

  I open my eyes and my legs collapse beneath me. Inside the room, every table, shelf and workbench is empty. Completely cleared of the countless pieces of machinery that were essential to my happiness. We have nothing.

  “No.” I pound my fists against the hard-packed dirt floor of the building, ignoring the throbbing pain traveling from my bruised hands up my arms. “No, no, no!” Hot, angry tears prickle against my cheek. I use the dusty sleeve of my dress to wipe them away. The PIT doesn’t get any more of my tears.

  “Rebecca, I—”

  “No.” I stand up and push his hand away. The empty building isn’t his fault, but I’m angry and Eric isn’t here for me to yell at him. “Unless you have another buried burlap treasure, we’re…we’re screwed.”

  “Rebecca Jane Collins.”

  My hands shoot up to cover my mouth and I’m absolutely mortified. Never in my life have I used such foul language. My mother always said gutter language was for Rejects. A panicked giggle bubbles up from inside and slips between my fingers before I can stop it. What would she say to me now? “I’m sorry, I just… Wait a minute. How do you know my middle name? I never tell anyone.”

  “Oh, well…” Little lines form between Daniel’s eyebrows and a light blush creeps up to redden the beautiful brown skin of his cheeks. I want to touch his face to see if it’s warm. “I might have peeked when I was setting up your OneCard profile.”

  I hold out my hand palm up and curl my fingers. “Fair’s fair. You have to tell me yours.”

  “I don’t have one.”

  “Who doesn’t have a middle name?” My hands migrate to my hips, and I squint my eyes in my very best ‘you better not be lying’ look.

  “Honestly.” Daniel holds his hands up as if I accused him of stealing. “It’s a tradition in my family that the men don’t have middle names.”

  “Then I guess you’ll just have to tell me something else about yourself. Something I don’t know about you.”

  Daniel’s eyes flash wide for a second before a resolved calm steadies his face. He wipes his hands on the side of his pants before taking a step closer to me. “I have a secret.” Another step closer. “One I’ve wanted to tell you for a while.” Another step brings him within inches of me.

  The small room was already a bit stuffy with the warmer spring air, but it’s suddenly a hot box. My arms tingle from the remembered contact of the hug we shared this morning. I want to close the gap between us, but my feet are bolted to the floor and I’m afraid the slightest movement will collapse the tenuous hold I have on my ability to stand.

  Daniel’s hand reaches up and tucks a yellow curl behind my ear. “I think you’re beautiful.”

  I open my mouth to say thank you, because that’s what I’m supposed to say when someone gives me a compliment. Daniel slides his hand over and blocks my lips with a raised finger. “And not just because you have the kindest green eyes and a disarming smile that you share with anyone and everyone. You’re stunningly beautiful because you never lose your ability to trust even after you’ve been cheated, and when something bad happens you worry about how it impacts everyone else first, and you did everything we asked you to, even though it made you unhappy.”

  Daniel dips his hand down under my chin and pulls it up until I’m staring right into the depths of his coal-dark eyes. I blink away the tears pooling in the bottom of my eyes. I don’t want to miss a second of the way he’s looking at me.

  “We never asked what you wanted and I’m sorry about that. It was wrong to assume so much and I promise to never do that again. Which is why I need to ask you a question.” His thumb strokes the side of my chin and I lean my head into his hand. “Would it be alright if I kiss you?”

  I nod my head, because ‘yes’ doesn’t
feel potent enough for how much I want him to kiss me right now. Daniel fills the remaining distance between us, wraps his free arm around my waist, and bends his head down to match his lips with mine.

  I kiss him back, not because I’m supposed to or because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I kiss him because I want to. Because I’ve wanted to for longer than I ever admitted to myself.

  Daniel pulls me tighter until our bodies line up like the final piece of a puzzle sliding into place. My arms wrap around his neck and I let go of the stress from the past twenty-four hours. His lips are warm and soft against mine.

  This is nothing like the only other kiss I have to compare it to.

  My first kiss on the roof. His mouth was hard against mine, demanding more than I could give him. Daniel’s kiss is tentative, inviting. Kissing Daniel is like coming home, and his arm wrapped around my waist is the most natural thing on earth.

  His hand traces the line of my jaw from the bottom of my ear to the tip of my chin. His mouth pulls away from mine and I whimper a protest. His lips trace the same line as his finger and my protest turns to a moan I’ve never made before. A shiver runs across my shoulder blades despite the overwhelming warmth of the room.

  Daniel’s mouth moves from my chin down to the side of my neck and I tilt my head to invite him to more of my skin. His fingers move up and down my spine, stoking the fire growing in the pit of my belly.

  Warm lips find mine again and this time I’m the one demanding more, pushing my lips into his, pushing to take in more of him. His tongue dips out to slide along my bottom lip and I open my mouth to him. Daniel’s body hardens against mine and he spins me around until my back is pressed up against the cool concrete wall. My body hums like a live wire. He wants me as much as I want him. As much as I need him.

  This is what was missing all those months, what I tried to pretend I had with Eric. I can almost laugh at how ridiculous it was. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a hug that lingered just longer than my father would have approved of. We were children playing a game of love.